What's Your Relationship Contribution?

During the course of my marriage I have learned many things.  Two ideas that I have found integral for a healthy relationship have been the concept of equal contribution as well as the need to maintain a sense of individuality. 

For my family equal contribution has come in many forms. My husband has provided for the family with a career in Army and will most likely continue down this path for the foreseeable future. My contribution has come in different forms, maintaining a career, going to graduate school and more recently becoming a Stay at Home Mom. While I don't think there is a guideline for contribution in a marriage I think that each party has to provide something.   Whether it be staying at home to provide for the children, working a full or part time job/career or educating oneself, there has to be a balance to offset what the other party is giving. 

Being in the military community it sometimes gets frustrating to see only one party in the relationship giving. In my career I have worked directly with many military families and I see the quiet frustration of some of the Service Members who don't feel like their spouse is providing a balance.  I am always confused when I see a spouse that is not employed,  is not going to school has no children and still does not maintain the household or contribute in any way.   Why not volunteer in your community whether local or military?  Go to school? Learn a trade? Anything so that you are putting some sort of energy into your relationship.   I feel that doing something for yourself, your family or even your community gives one a greater sense of self and can only benefit your relationship.

I also feel like the above will help in maintaining a sense of individuality.  To be a successful couple I feel that you have to be just as successful (if not more) at being an individual. Being married definitely does not mean you have to merge and magically become the same person.  I may be a member of the military community since my spouse is a SM, but I will be the first to tell you that it is my husband that is in the Army and that my career is ...
I like that we have different careers, likes, wants, desires.  It makes us better people. We talk about different things, like his carnivorous ways and the creative ways I get my protein as a vegetarian.   I prefer to run and he loves Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and weight training - but it is in our own wants and likes that we are able to maintain a sense of self and in turn I don't go crazy every time he has to leave.

Schedule For Sanity

As of Monday of this week I have become a stay at home mom.  It was a decision that my husband and I thought long and hard about and together we decided that this was a great opportunity for our family. So after being employed full time for umpteen years I am now the employee of a 2 year old and a four month old.

As amazing as it is to be home with my babies, I know that for my own sanity and for the sake of the kiddos a schedule had to be in place.  Kids thrive on knowing what is next and my 2 year old has much easier days if we follow our routine. 

For any parent that is home with the kids (whether all day or just evenings or weekends) I definitely recommend establishing a routine. I also strongly suggest allowing room for variations as well as time for yourself (hallelujah nap time).

Shirataki Noodles in Miso Tofu Soup with Salmon

Shirataki Noodles are quickly becoming one of my favorite things. They are easy to prepare and can replace just about any pasta dish without the carbs or calories.  Today I had a taste for Ramen but I would rather not have the calories or carbs that came with. Instead, I found Kikkoman's Tofu Miso Soup, added the noodles, salmon and seaweed and I was in Heaven.  Even my 2 year old couldn't get enough.  Pescatarian Approved!

So You're On Assignment

Learning that you/your spouse are on Assignment for a PCS can lead to a lot of different feelings.  Fear, relief, excitement, sadness and nervousness are just a few of the many.  Once all of that passes it is time to get organized to ensure that it is an easy, stress free process.  A few weeks ago we learned that we were headed to Shafter in Honolulu, so here are a few steps we have taken to start our process that may help you in yours:

  

1. Start Your PCS Fund: This is a good time to stop spending and start saving for your move. Yes, the military does provide some funds for your move, but much of it will be in the form of reimbursement, so you will still need to have funds up front.  In addition to this, you will no doubt run into situations where you will not be reimbursed, so it is nice to have a seperate stash so that you aren't dipping into any savings.  A few ways to start the process are:

A. Cancel Away: Start canceling things you know you will no longer need. Land lines, magazine subscriptions, extra cable channels etc., get rid of things you can live without.
B. Sell: Every time we move we are surprised at how much we have accumulated over the last few years.  Take the time to go through each room and pick out what you don't need or want to bring with you. Have a Moving/Garage Sale or list on Craigslist or Bookoo to sell what you can to make some extra money.
C. Curb Your Spending: Stepping away from high cost outings will also help.  Think of your PCS as an extended vacation.  When you get there you will want to see what's available to you, so why not save now to enjoy later.  In addition, what you are wearing may be old to you now but moving somewhere new means it is brand new all over again!

2. Attend Your Briefings: The Army will require the Service Member (SM) to attend required briefings. Generally there will be a Levy Brief that will detail the need to do items for the PCS. If your PCS is an overseas assignment the SM will be required to attend an OCONUS Brief. This will detail the items by your location as requirements for each overseas assignment may change based on location. Spouses are actually encouraged to attend the OCONUS Brief, so if you are able, I definitely suggest attending.

3. Google: Research the area, housing, jobs, weather, BAH, etc. Make Google and blogs your friend but be careful not to rely too much on the opinions of others. Remember to go with an open mind.

Those are just a few things to think of when you start the process. Once Orders are in hand you can really start to plan based on dates.  I will detail that process in the next series.

Have questions or suggestions? Please feel free to comment.

Refrigerator Organization

Keeping my fridge organized keeps me not only organized but healthy and on track. If meals are pre-packaged and fruits and vegetables are already cut up then it saves time and I never search for food when I am in hungry mode (which usually ends with me eating junk).

FYI - Walmart is a great place for containers. Cheap and a variety.

Finding Beauty at Fort Polk

Always searching for the good things. This picture was taken at Entrance Road at Polk. Gorgeous!

First Lady of Resourcefulness

My boss may be one of the most creative/resourceful people I have ever met. The quote "got lemons, make lemonade," is what I think of when she comes to mind. She will truly make a workable situation out of anything.
For instance.... for a luncheon she planned to make mashed potatoes...easy mashed potatoes at that...straight out of a bag potatoes and somehow those mashed potatoes turned into potato soup! And good soup at that!
More recently for a luncheon she solved our lack of bread problem by making really good garlic bread from hot dog buns!

It just goes to show with a little thought and determination,  you can turn any situation around.