What's Your Relationship Contribution?

During the course of my marriage I have learned many things.  Two ideas that I have found integral for a healthy relationship have been the concept of equal contribution as well as the need to maintain a sense of individuality. 

For my family equal contribution has come in many forms. My husband has provided for the family with a career in Army and will most likely continue down this path for the foreseeable future. My contribution has come in different forms, maintaining a career, going to graduate school and more recently becoming a Stay at Home Mom. While I don't think there is a guideline for contribution in a marriage I think that each party has to provide something.   Whether it be staying at home to provide for the children, working a full or part time job/career or educating oneself, there has to be a balance to offset what the other party is giving. 

Being in the military community it sometimes gets frustrating to see only one party in the relationship giving. In my career I have worked directly with many military families and I see the quiet frustration of some of the Service Members who don't feel like their spouse is providing a balance.  I am always confused when I see a spouse that is not employed,  is not going to school has no children and still does not maintain the household or contribute in any way.   Why not volunteer in your community whether local or military?  Go to school? Learn a trade? Anything so that you are putting some sort of energy into your relationship.   I feel that doing something for yourself, your family or even your community gives one a greater sense of self and can only benefit your relationship.

I also feel like the above will help in maintaining a sense of individuality.  To be a successful couple I feel that you have to be just as successful (if not more) at being an individual. Being married definitely does not mean you have to merge and magically become the same person.  I may be a member of the military community since my spouse is a SM, but I will be the first to tell you that it is my husband that is in the Army and that my career is ...
I like that we have different careers, likes, wants, desires.  It makes us better people. We talk about different things, like his carnivorous ways and the creative ways I get my protein as a vegetarian.   I prefer to run and he loves Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and weight training - but it is in our own wants and likes that we are able to maintain a sense of self and in turn I don't go crazy every time he has to leave.

When Complaints Are Better Than Reality

One of the things I enjoy the most about being a part of the military family is the ability to move to so many different places. I enjoy traveling,  immersing myself in new cultures and community and documenting our journey as a family. Which is why it bugs me to hear people complain about how much they hate it at "Fort (insert any location here).  I mean, I get it, it is not what you are used to. You can't get into the food, the people, the weather or whatever else...but isn't that one of the things that should be expected as a spouse or member of the military?

I feel like I can speak from experience,  considering we are currently stationed at Ft. Polk, and just about anyone who knows of or has been to Polk understands why that is.  While it is not my favorite installation, I appreciate the experience and know how to make it worth something.  While we lack the comforts of where we are originally from such as; commercial restaurants  (where the hell is the Chilis!) shopping malls, any store other than Wal-Mart, retail grocery stores, etc., we take advantage of what is here and create our own happiness.  No shopping malls means you're saving money, the weather is hotter then take the opportunity to go outdoors. Travel, explore nearby towns and learn local culture and heritage.  Bored during the day? Remember you're a part of the military family, tons of free resources! Go to a gym and take a free Zumba class, go back to school, utilize the Ed Center and library, learn a hobby. I guarantee for every complaint there is a solution.

Overall, I would hate to look back at anywhere I have been and regret not doing more or wasting my energy and time bathing in my own misery.

Currently at Polk and looking for something to do? Feel free to ask!