Marriage: Simple Conversations

I have found that the longer I am married the more difficult it is to have conversations that involve more than the kids, household issues or work. It is sometimes hard to have significant conversations with each other without trying to figure out where to start. After seven years or marriage my hubs and I found ourselves in the "conversation tunnel," (which often included his ridiculously elaborate work stories with different voices for everyone in the office and me responding with blank stares). To get out of this downward spiral we started asking each other the same three questions each day.

1. What was the best part of your day?
2. What was the worst part of your day?
3. What was the best decision you made today?

These same questions often lead to good conversation and it gives me a reason to reflect on the day itself. We hope to keep the tradition up with the kids when they are older (hopefully it will lead to them consciously making good decisions).  At the very least, at least they will know their parents are interested in their day.

Being "That Black Girl"

My parents prepared me for a lot.  They took education seriously, resulting in me living by a schedule from elementary to high school. They had expectations and requirements of me and my siblings and they supported this with chores, rules and regulations. In addition to this, they had to teach me one of the most important lessons of my life.  A lesson that now as an adult I see the importance of. And a lesson that as a parent hurts and upsets me because I will have to teach the same lesson to my own children.   The lesson was as simple as this.  You will always be "that black girl".

What I Know As An Army Spouse

It is always fun to read "You Know You're An Army Spouse..." aricles/posts. There are always a few ideas that I can relate to and a couple that I tend to look at crossed eyed.   I wanted to create a list of items that I (personally) know to be true.

What I Know As An Army Wife:

Pintrest Project: Chalkboard Table

I came across a table idea on Pintrest and thought it would be a great idea for my 2 year old.  I was surprised at how easy it was.

I used an old Ikea side table:

I purchased spray paint, chalkboard paint and painters tape:

I taped off the outside of the tabletop so that I could paint the inside with the chalkboard paint and I spray painted the table legs.  I let these both dry over night.

Day 2 I reassembled the table and covered the chalkboard area so that I could spray paint the surrounding area. Overall, I like how it turned out and I just need to find some little wood chairs.

Pescatarian Diaries: Frozen Finds

Maintaining a vegetarian, pesco-vegetarian, vegan or just about any restrictive lifestyle can be a challenge if you are living in a remote area.  Here at Polk it is difficult to get fresh seafood, certain specialty items or specific brands.  Despite not being able to get everything that I would like, I have been able to find some good options. One of my favorites is a 2lb bag of frozen tilapia (I get it at the Commissary for about $6.79). 

There are two vacuumed sealed bags with 6 pieces of fish each, which means you are only spending about .56 per serving (that is, if you have access to a Commissary, I have not checked the price at the Walmart here). 

My favorite prep is very easy and so good.  Olive oil, pepper, soy sauce and garlic in a pan with a small amount of salt (soy sauce already has a high sodium content so don't add too much). Let it cook on medium heat until in flakes apart and turns a nice white on the inside. Very simple, delicious and fast.

I paired mine with a yummy salad and the entire process took no more that 10 minutes (including salad prep).

Bookshelf Staging

I have a couple of bookshelves that drive me crazy. They were initially used to hold the excessive amount of DVD's that we have collected over the years, but they eventually ended up holding DVD's in addition to whatever random junk that didn't really have a space. Bottom line they were an eye sore. 

To rid myself of this problem I went to Walmart and purchased the wicker baskets and brown bins for the DVD storage. Any extra decor was basically things from around the house. Pictures, glassware, knick knacks, etc.  

I may eventually add a colorful backdrop later but it will probably wait until our move.

The before picture is the shelf I have yet to complete and the after is the finished one. 

Things to See at Fort Polk

While Fort Polk is known for it's limitations within the immediate area, it does provide a good array of activities within the surrounding area.  One of these locations is Nachitoches (pronounced Nack-a-tish). Nachitoches is a cozy town that is known for the City of Lights during Christmas, NSU and for filming Steel Magnolias.  From Fort Polk, the drive to Nachitoches will take you along LA 171 which is a winding road through a lot of wildlife. Every time I drive the route I am bound to see animals. Wild boar, cows, deer, wild turkey and my favorite wild horses.

My girlfriend Kara and her husband are avid Geocachers and managed to come across this amazing group of wild horses on one of their recent trips on 171. It is definitely worth taking the drive.

  

                                 

Which Living Single Girl Do You Relate To?

I loved the 90's. Most likely because that was the era I grew up in, but I can't help but truly believe that from the 90's came some of the best music, movies, dance moves and definitely television. 
One of my favorite series was Living Single that ran from 1993 to 1998. It was intelligent, funny and did an amazing job of displaying relationships between successful and intelligent African Americans. Each character had amazing personality and depth and because of this most of us had a definite favorite or likened ourselves to a character. 

Khadijah (Queen Latifah) was the power house. She owned her own magazine (who can forget the name Flavor) where she was Editor and Publisher, took care of friends and family and had a great relationship with her mother. Despite her success and search for a good love interest she was "fiercely real" and maintained originality.

Maxine (Erika Alexander) was the sharp witted best friend, attorney and (like Khadihah) Harvard Graduate. She had an affinity for food and funny stories and was the epitome of independent.  Her love/hate relationship with neighbor Kyle was often the highlight of many episodes. 

Synclaire (Kim Coles) was Khadijah's cousin and Assistant.  She was an aspiring actress and arguably had the sweetest relationship on the show (we so love Overton). Her naivete was super funny in addition to her random obsession with trolls.

Regine (Kim Fields) was a childhood friend of Khadijah's who had completely remade herself as an adult.  Super image conscious and beyond "bougie" she had very high expectations of what she wanted out of a man and life...both of which came with dollar signs.  And we couldn't help but love her real life mom (Chip Fields) guest starring and proclaiming her love for thrift stores and second hand sales.

I loved all of the girls but I was crazy over Maxine Shaw.  At 12 I knew I wanted her career and great suits, not to mention her quick wit.  No matter what favorite you had this was a show that spoke to anyone.  Despite age or race, who couldn't see themselves as a successful 20 something,   living in an amazing Brownstone in Brooklyn with great friends/roommates experiencing life and love?

What's Your Relationship Contribution?

During the course of my marriage I have learned many things.  Two ideas that I have found integral for a healthy relationship have been the concept of equal contribution as well as the need to maintain a sense of individuality. 

For my family equal contribution has come in many forms. My husband has provided for the family with a career in Army and will most likely continue down this path for the foreseeable future. My contribution has come in different forms, maintaining a career, going to graduate school and more recently becoming a Stay at Home Mom. While I don't think there is a guideline for contribution in a marriage I think that each party has to provide something.   Whether it be staying at home to provide for the children, working a full or part time job/career or educating oneself, there has to be a balance to offset what the other party is giving. 

Being in the military community it sometimes gets frustrating to see only one party in the relationship giving. In my career I have worked directly with many military families and I see the quiet frustration of some of the Service Members who don't feel like their spouse is providing a balance.  I am always confused when I see a spouse that is not employed,  is not going to school has no children and still does not maintain the household or contribute in any way.   Why not volunteer in your community whether local or military?  Go to school? Learn a trade? Anything so that you are putting some sort of energy into your relationship.   I feel that doing something for yourself, your family or even your community gives one a greater sense of self and can only benefit your relationship.

I also feel like the above will help in maintaining a sense of individuality.  To be a successful couple I feel that you have to be just as successful (if not more) at being an individual. Being married definitely does not mean you have to merge and magically become the same person.  I may be a member of the military community since my spouse is a SM, but I will be the first to tell you that it is my husband that is in the Army and that my career is ...
I like that we have different careers, likes, wants, desires.  It makes us better people. We talk about different things, like his carnivorous ways and the creative ways I get my protein as a vegetarian.   I prefer to run and he loves Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and weight training - but it is in our own wants and likes that we are able to maintain a sense of self and in turn I don't go crazy every time he has to leave.

Schedule For Sanity

As of Monday of this week I have become a stay at home mom.  It was a decision that my husband and I thought long and hard about and together we decided that this was a great opportunity for our family. So after being employed full time for umpteen years I am now the employee of a 2 year old and a four month old.

As amazing as it is to be home with my babies, I know that for my own sanity and for the sake of the kiddos a schedule had to be in place.  Kids thrive on knowing what is next and my 2 year old has much easier days if we follow our routine. 

For any parent that is home with the kids (whether all day or just evenings or weekends) I definitely recommend establishing a routine. I also strongly suggest allowing room for variations as well as time for yourself (hallelujah nap time).

Shirataki Noodles in Miso Tofu Soup with Salmon

Shirataki Noodles are quickly becoming one of my favorite things. They are easy to prepare and can replace just about any pasta dish without the carbs or calories.  Today I had a taste for Ramen but I would rather not have the calories or carbs that came with. Instead, I found Kikkoman's Tofu Miso Soup, added the noodles, salmon and seaweed and I was in Heaven.  Even my 2 year old couldn't get enough.  Pescatarian Approved!

So You're On Assignment

Learning that you/your spouse are on Assignment for a PCS can lead to a lot of different feelings.  Fear, relief, excitement, sadness and nervousness are just a few of the many.  Once all of that passes it is time to get organized to ensure that it is an easy, stress free process.  A few weeks ago we learned that we were headed to Shafter in Honolulu, so here are a few steps we have taken to start our process that may help you in yours:

  

1. Start Your PCS Fund: This is a good time to stop spending and start saving for your move. Yes, the military does provide some funds for your move, but much of it will be in the form of reimbursement, so you will still need to have funds up front.  In addition to this, you will no doubt run into situations where you will not be reimbursed, so it is nice to have a seperate stash so that you aren't dipping into any savings.  A few ways to start the process are:

A. Cancel Away: Start canceling things you know you will no longer need. Land lines, magazine subscriptions, extra cable channels etc., get rid of things you can live without.
B. Sell: Every time we move we are surprised at how much we have accumulated over the last few years.  Take the time to go through each room and pick out what you don't need or want to bring with you. Have a Moving/Garage Sale or list on Craigslist or Bookoo to sell what you can to make some extra money.
C. Curb Your Spending: Stepping away from high cost outings will also help.  Think of your PCS as an extended vacation.  When you get there you will want to see what's available to you, so why not save now to enjoy later.  In addition, what you are wearing may be old to you now but moving somewhere new means it is brand new all over again!

2. Attend Your Briefings: The Army will require the Service Member (SM) to attend required briefings. Generally there will be a Levy Brief that will detail the need to do items for the PCS. If your PCS is an overseas assignment the SM will be required to attend an OCONUS Brief. This will detail the items by your location as requirements for each overseas assignment may change based on location. Spouses are actually encouraged to attend the OCONUS Brief, so if you are able, I definitely suggest attending.

3. Google: Research the area, housing, jobs, weather, BAH, etc. Make Google and blogs your friend but be careful not to rely too much on the opinions of others. Remember to go with an open mind.

Those are just a few things to think of when you start the process. Once Orders are in hand you can really start to plan based on dates.  I will detail that process in the next series.

Have questions or suggestions? Please feel free to comment.

Refrigerator Organization

Keeping my fridge organized keeps me not only organized but healthy and on track. If meals are pre-packaged and fruits and vegetables are already cut up then it saves time and I never search for food when I am in hungry mode (which usually ends with me eating junk).

FYI - Walmart is a great place for containers. Cheap and a variety.

Finding Beauty at Fort Polk

Always searching for the good things. This picture was taken at Entrance Road at Polk. Gorgeous!

First Lady of Resourcefulness

My boss may be one of the most creative/resourceful people I have ever met. The quote "got lemons, make lemonade," is what I think of when she comes to mind. She will truly make a workable situation out of anything.
For instance.... for a luncheon she planned to make mashed potatoes...easy mashed potatoes at that...straight out of a bag potatoes and somehow those mashed potatoes turned into potato soup! And good soup at that!
More recently for a luncheon she solved our lack of bread problem by making really good garlic bread from hot dog buns!

It just goes to show with a little thought and determination,  you can turn any situation around.

Shirataki Noodles with Portabello Mushroom Alfredo and Tofu Sausage

My Sunday Funday cooking has begun. This recipe is vegetarian, super low carb and is also low in calorie (not to mention it is easy , fast and yummy).