For the last four years I have been on the weight loss train. I started the process once I realized how unhealthy I was. I was a newlywed, but felt no where near attractive. So, when my hubs deployed I decided to make a change. I really wanted him to be proud of me and what I had accomplished while he was away. I started at about 220lbs and when he returned home around 6 months later I had reached 195. I continued with slow progress over the next 2 years losing another 8 pounds . Last year I got pregnant and put the pause on weight loss (although I still ate pretty healthy while pregnant) since having my daughter 10 months ago I have managed to lose the baby pounds, plus about 10 pounds (currently 178).
The point of all of this is that I recently realized that through each cycle my desire was never really for me. I lost weight because I thought that was what my hubs wanted, I knew that was what my family wanted, I am sure I wanted it but I allowed my desire to please others to come before what should have been my need to do it for myself. I am sure this need to please everyone around me and to maintain some sort of control had a ton to do with the unhealthy diet choices, and eating disorders I struggled with as a teen and in my college years .
I am not naive enough to truly believe that with my new found sense of self that I will never worry about these desires again, but I honestly know that the choices I now make are to better myself for myself.
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